with your own penis?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
