Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
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