i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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