Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
If that was your dad, he is hot
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
and you fell through a lawn chair
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
