It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
