Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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