Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
