I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
