Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
