i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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