I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
