how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
