bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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