suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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