Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
