youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Randomize
