remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
