I haven't been this sober since birth.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
