so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
