You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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