I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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