in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
