apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
