So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
