omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
