Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
