sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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