doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
