That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
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