dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
40s are totally the cure
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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