K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
