I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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