All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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