There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
