Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
