things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
