I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
