Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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