I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
