No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
