things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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