Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
