the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
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