He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
