is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Are these your boobs on my camera?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
