He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
Randomize
