she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have already put on my inside pants.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
