if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
