white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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