i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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