Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
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We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
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I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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