My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
