Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(339): View more from Massachusetts

so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...

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(508): View more from Massachusetts

she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.

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(856): View more from New Jersey

Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.

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(314): View more from Missouri

just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle

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(251): View more from Alabama

Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.

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(405): View more from Oklahoma

Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?

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(904): View more from Florida

he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?

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(615): View more from Tennessee

Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?

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(512): View more from Texas

I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."

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