I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Randomize
