Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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