3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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