Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
