Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
