Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Randomize
