dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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