Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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