I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
