she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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