I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
if only i could text you this smell
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
