I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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