It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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