He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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