peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize