i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
