tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
You brought string cheese to the strip club
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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