So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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