it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
