Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
