Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
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Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
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If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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