she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
