i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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