so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
