Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
