We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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