I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
