hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
