i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Randomize
