You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
