I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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