Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
