i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
