...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Randomize
